Thursday, March 6, 2014

Online video: That irksome "in" thing

The internet is all about video these days. Got a review of a product? Make it a video review! Instructions on how to fix something in Windows? Post it on YouTube! A news story about a recent event? Tell it with voice and pictures!

Maybe I'm old, but I don't always want to receive information via video. I didn't grow up during the information age. Anything I learned I obtained from good, old-fashioned reading.

And that may be why I find the practice of delivering information in video format just plain irksome at times.

From a user perspective video has some obvious downsides. For one thing, it's slow. I can read an article and glean the key facts in a tiny fraction of the time it takes for video to deliver the same information. I don't need for some talking head to tell me about something I can find all on my own. I can read several short articles in the time it takes to suffer through a single video.

That probably wouldn't always be the case if not for advertisements. Even the ones you can skip force you to be a captive audience for at least several seconds—precious time that could have been spent receiving useful information. There's nothing in this world I hate more than marketing and advertising, especially now that they've learned how to use the internet as a weapon against unsuspecting consumers.

Even if you remove the ads or make them optional, that still doesn't make video an efficient delivery method. Each video has its own story structure and, more often than not, the key fact you hope to glean is usually deferred to the end to ensure you remain that captive audience.

That, my friends, irks me.

I just want information. I don't care how pretty your little reporter is or how shiny her smile. It doesn't change the information I'm trying to get to; it's an obstacle.

Worst of all are the instructional videos. Don't get me wrong. When it comes to teaching a lesson on a subject, video is highly effective. But it's a decidedly cumbersome tool when it comes to presenting step-by-step instructions for completing specific procedures. Again, it's slow. And when you're following along, you inevitably have to rewind and playback any portions you don't understand. The pace of the video is also a consideration. If the subject is new to you, you're going find yourself pausing and rewinding frequently. In written instructions, that's not a problem. The information you need remains right there in front of you to scan as needed.

Then there's the issue of context. The creator of the video invariably must explain the context of the operation being described. How many times have you found yourself snarling at the screen "Just get to the point!"? What you're really looking for is often buried in the middle of some insufferably boring monologue.

Video seems like a good idea for instructions. What better way to tell someone how to do something than to actually show them, right? The problem is, it's just never that simple. And the video is only as good as the person recording and narrating it. I'll take a good technical writer over a video recording any day.

So, no, I'm not hopping on this "everything ought to be video" bandwagon. I can see why the advertisers like it. It's the best way they can lasso impressionable victims.

I just want information. The internet used to be a good source of it until it got crowded with obstacles, rhetoric and outright bullshit.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Yahoo's Valentine's Day messages

I stopped using my Yahoo email quite some time ago. It was my first webmail account (okay, well, technically, it was my second, but Yahoo is still my first webmail provider), but once it started getting cluttered with spam, I decided it was time to move on.

The account still exists, mind you, and I still check it from time to time if for no other reason than to empty it of the accumulated garbage. I recently logged in and did more than empty the garbage. I absolutely purged it, emptying every folder of everything that had accumulated over the past decade or so. I ended up with a nice, clean mailbox.

It was while I was doing the pre-spring cleaning that I discovered the Valentine's Day feature Yahoo has added. A pulsing red-heart icon has been added next to the Compose link, inviting you to autocompose a Valentine's message. Clicking the heart creates a new message. At the bottom of the message pane is a dropdown list from which you can select one of three options: Crazy in Love, Friendly Love or All Outta Love.

Selecting Crazy in Love generated this message:

To my beloved,

Your love is like a warm breeze. You move with the elegance of a soft summer cloud. Your face could launch 1,000 ships. The stars are jealous of your famous sparkle. 

Love forever and a day,

Friendly Love gave me this:

To the best human I know,

You have so many friends, I'm sure you've already received 1,000 Valentines today. You know, I've never even seen you jaywalk! Not once! I know I can always trust you to tell me if I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe. You're fabulous. Did you know that? Well, it's true. 

With love and friendship,

Now that I think about it, it sounds kind of like a dog or an android talking to a person.

And then selecting All Outta Love resulted in the following:

To someone who deserves more,

Enough is enough. Have you ever noticed that cupid rhymes with stupid? Let's celebrate being single since it's obviously way better. It's gonna take more than this silly day to make me cry. 

Tomorrow is a new day,

Since I'm in the process of going through a big relationship status change, the last one kind of struck a chord with me, but that's a story for another day.

Each time you select one of the options, it generates a different random message. Okay, yes, I confess I did sit here for several minutes selecting each option over and over to see what kinds of messages would be created. They're pretty lame, all things considered. If you're going to offer such a feature, at least go into it with a little pizzazz and enthusiasm. Throw some animated gifs in there or some emoticons, at least. I think if I were to send one of these messages to someone in whom I was interested, their likely reaction would be to think me pathetic.

It strikes me that Yahoo is trying to be more like Facebook. And the flashing and provocative ads displaying in the righthand pane are truly absurd. I am quite honestly embarrassed to open my Yahoo mail at work because of the ads that display.

I think absurd is a good word to describe Yahoo mail these days. Sure, it's one of the better free webmail options, but with the intrusive ads and spamming in bulk, I just have to wonder, why bother?